How to start a conversation and make friends

Ever found yourself having difficulty in starting a conversation with someone? We have all been there. Feeling awkward when we have to talk to someone, wanting to connect but unsure how to break the ice. 

Just remember that everyone feels nervous about meeting new people sometimes. Especially in the present digital world, having a face to face conversation with and building friendships can seem like a lost skill. We often find it easier to bury our heads into mobile phones instead of interacting with others.

However, by following some practical methods for breaking the ice, you can engage in meaningful conversations and build cultivating friendships. Whether you are introverted naturally or you’re just looking to expand your social circle, this article will help you pass through such social situations with confidence.

Methods to Start a Conversation:

• Start with a warm smile
• Using open-ended questions
• Listen to them more than you talk about yourself
• Make eye contact, nod and offer brief verbal acknowledgements
• Find common interest or experiences
• Don’t try to be someone you’re not
• If you had a good conversation, follow up on that

Start with a warm smile:

When you see someone you’d like to talk to, try to make eye contact and offer a friendly smile. 

There is a simple psychology behind this. Your friendly smile signals them warmth and approachability to others. This instantly invites reciprocation and creates a positive first impression. So the person on the other side feels invited to smile back and this sets the tone for starting the conversation.

Using open-ended questions

Now that your smile has set the tone for interaction, start with a simple greeting or question. When you are asking questions to the other person, try to ask something that they have to give elaborate answers rather than a simple yes / no. Asking yes or no questions may abruptly end the conversation and puts you in a state to ask another question to continue the conversation. Otherwise the interaction is going to be short and awkward. Asking open ended questions gives you space to build the conversation, allowing it to flow naturally and reveal interesting information.

I’ll give you one example of converting a yes/no question to an open-ended one.

Yes/No: Did you enjoy the movie?

Open-ended: What do you think about the movie?

The above example of an open-ended question will act as an icebreaker question and invite the person to share their opinion, likes and dislikes about the movie from which you can further build the conversation.

Practice Active Listening:

Once the conversation is engaging and being built, genuinely listen to them more than you talk about yourself. Healthy conversations happen when people feel they are heard. Show genuine interest in their answers by nodding or by sometimes offering verbal acknowledgements like “I see” and “mm-hmmm”

You may sometimes have to mirror the speaker’s expression to show empathy (This will naturally happen if you’re genuinely listening 😀). Remember this if your facial expression is not naturally changing 😉

One important thing to keep in mind is that, no matter how badly you want to share a relevant incident from their conversation, avoid interrupting them. People often feel annoyed when they are interrupted, especially while they are invested in the conversation. You can share yours once they are finished talking.

If you want to further build the conversation ask follow-up questions by digging deeper into that topic. You can also summarize and make them ensure that you are understanding by asking questions like “”So, what you’re saying is…”

Make Eye Contact:

This is the most important one. Oftentimes, at work or somewhere in a public place, when we encounter a familiar face, we instantly feel nervous and ignore their eye contact just to avoid that awkward conversation. Now that you are trying to have a conversation and make friends, you may have to work on keeping your eye contact.

Making eye contact is essential throughout the list of methods provided here in this post. From the time you initiate it with a warm smile, proceed with greetings or asking questions and also throughout your active listening, keeping that eye contact is crucial. It ensures that you are focused and willing to invest in that conversation.

Also, keep in mind to have a balance. Because having constant and unbroken eye contact can feel unnatural, intense and uncomfortable. Go for something natural like, make eye contact for few seconds during important points. You can always not or show empathy in your expression when you are not making that eye contact.

Find Common Interest or Experiences

This is basically an excellent way to build rapport and keep the conversation flowing. When you ask open-ended questions, it encourages the speaker to give detailed answers. Try to pay attention to their responses closely. You may find a shared, relevant interest or an experience. Just make sure not to instantly interrupt them with your story. Wait for them to complete their answers and then talk about your relevant story. This will provide an opportunity for the other person to connect.

When you find something common, verbally acknowledge it with enthusiasm using words like “Me too”or “I know right!”. This will make the other person to easily connect with you and encourages them to confidently proceed with their opinion.

Below are some of the examples where you can find a common interest or experience:

• Travel Experiences
• Educational background
• About a movie, music or a book
• Professional / work related 
• Local happenings in your city
• Current events

Don’t try to be someone you are not

In an effort to start a conversation and make friends, don’t try to be someone you are not. Be honest with your interests and experiences. Do not tell them that you enjoy something or have knowledge on something you don’t. It’s better to ask questions than to pretend knowledge. It’s still ok to tell them “I’m not familiar with that, I would love to learn more though.”

If you are introverted, it’s okay to mention it. Don’t shy away from showing who you are and don’t force yourself to showcase overly outgoing if it is not natural to you. Showing enthusiasm for your true interests is far more engaging than showing fake interests.

Remember that lasting friendships are built on genuine conversations. People appreciate honesty and openness. They are more likely to connect with someone who is true to themselves even if it means being a bit different.

Follow-up Conversation:

After a pleasant first meeting, don’t let the connection fade away. If you had a good conversation, follow-up on that. Following up is the key to nurture potential friendships. Do it with a reasonable timeframe, like within a day or two with a friendly message. For example, you can share an Instagram reel that has a relevant message to your first conversation saying “I enjoyed our chat the other day, how relatable is this reel?”

You can also suggest a casual meet-up like grabbing a coffee to discuss your shared interests. Don’t take more than a day or two for a follow-up, strike while the iron is hot. But don’t come on too strong. Only a low-pressure follow-up can ease the way for a friendship.

Bonus Points – Ice Breaker Questions

1. How was your weekend?
2. Seen any good movies or shows lately? What do you think about the movie / show?
3. How is your work going? 
4. How is the weather treating you?
5. Give a compliment and ask follow up questions (Eg., Nice Shoes man, where did you buy it?)
6. Your outfit looks great. Where did you get it from?
7. How was your recent trip? Did you enjoy it?
8. What plans for the weekend?
9. How’s your day been so far?
10. Have you tried any new restaurants or cafes lately?
11. Do you have any travel plans coming up?